have to rant

I won't name these people but I've been following this rabbit hole for a year. 

never going back again

so while my bf, dad and Z were putting up the pool fence, my mom and sister went with me to take babygirl to swimming lessons. well it went south fast. first they were late again but this time way late. so I put sophia on the steps to splash around. finally when it was about time to start the lessons with the instructors she was scared and didnt wanna get in again. so they started to rope off the pool for different classes and when my sister was asking (as was i) on how we are to get in with our group the rude ass instructor was like "you just go under" in a nasty tone. then when I finally got in with sophia I felt so left out. they just started the lessons and didn't say what they were doing. so I am trying to watch everyone else all while sophias clinging to me crying that she wants to get out. so they started to teach the kids how to get out of the pool and sophia got out with ease but it was time to go back in. she wasn't getting in with me. so that rude ass instructor rudely told me to grab her all short tempered. so I do and then I just felt so out of place. all the other kids were having fun and I was left out on the side trying to calm sophia down. so the rude bitch ass instructor comes over and I thought she was gonna help out but no. she came over and looked at sophia and said "youre fine" as in "youre fine calm down its not that big of a deal". so what kind of instructor is that?? she's 2.5 years old shes a fucking baby. to tell her she's fine while she's actively scared and crying is so shitty coming from a teacher who is suppose to help. the last instructor was nicer and even asked to hold sophia and calmed her down. this one sucked so bad she had a rude attitude the whole time.

so sophias crying and screaming and my sister picks her up and we are leaving in the middle of the lessons cuz fuck them and fuck that. so sophias screaming bloody murder through out the entire ymca and for whatever reason my sister's trying to put her shoes on where people work out and everyone staring because sophia is just screaming her head off in front of them. so I said fuck the shoes just carry her out. we put her in the car and for 20 mins she's screaming her head off on my lap in the front seat trying to get out saying she wants to walk... ugh so im soaked from the pool had no chance to dry off and we're in my car just waiting out the melt down. it was fucking hell and fuck that stupid bitch for being so rude. she literally changed the whole vibe for us. we're not going back there ever again. we are also gonna write a complaint about her cuz wtf. so we're gonna give her swim lessons on our own. now that we have the pool fence up I can feel at ease. we are missing one panel so after we get that one up ill really feel better.

so i had the psychiatrist appt. she put me on Adderall for my horrible adhd and propanalol for my social anxiety. she told me to take the prop. as needed. I've been prescribed it before but never really used it so I tried it a couple of times when I took my daughter to the park. it helped i think. the adderall seems to really quiet my chattering, all over the place brain. it really helps so i can actually focus on whats needed to be focused on. see how this dr listens and prescribes you what you need without question. this dr is great. ill probably talk to her about still having depression aside from my adhd and social anxiety. to try and get on something to help that as well. I've been without meds for a while now and its time I got helped again. so here we are.

Saturday is pool fence day!! finally bitches. how long have I been harassing bf about this. so my dad is coming down, Z and bf are gonna be installing the pool gate. ill be taking my daughter to her swim lessons with my mom since hes busy with the gate.

Hopefully she'll be cool with the lessons if im in with her. 

she's been so hard to handle lately. very defiant and still having issues with her getting in car, carseat and getting out of the car. doesn't always listen about holding hands crossing streets. like this morning that fuck ass red car parked in my spot again at my mom's and I had to walk her and our wagon full of stuff across the street. so carrying all of that plus a defiant toddler dragging her across the road... sets me the fuck off. sigh so tiring 

bf had a show last Saturday and i stayed in. baby went to bed early and i chilled by myself. I treated it like my old days pre sophia where I'd listening to music have some drinks and play with makeup for pics. I was gonna try to stream again but was too busy having with with what I was doing as is. its something I needed honestly. Just time to myself 

bro

my sister surprised me with a ticket to the Scaradise convention she and my mom are going to to see and meet Jeffrey Dean Morgan. initially they were just gonna go cuz idc. but... I came over to my mom's today and she told me she's getting me a ticket because JUSTIN LONG is gonna be there. she said she'll pay for my photo op. IM SHAKING. im so excited and nervous I could throw up. 

bf knows im going now but doesn't know why. didnt wanna tell him cuz he'll hate me he can't go. omfg. 

so i have Hail The Sun next month, The Faint in Nov and in Oct Justin fucking Long. there is a lot of other people there like the cast from It the movies and a bunch of others. says hes doing selfies at the table if he has time. so I might just have her pay my photo op like originally planned in case. 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Faint

got tickets to go see The Faint at The Social in November. I couldn't believe it. they never tour. this show is gonna be so dope!! initially I was gonna just go with my sister but I knew my bf would be pissed if I didnt ley him know about it. so we are all going now. still wanna see Hail The Sun next month and my sister said she'll get ticket when she gets paid again.

took sophia to her first swim lesson at the Y and she didnt like it much. she wasn't listening, wasn't a fan of being in the water doing the exercises. she did let the instructor hold her and was cool about it. as fucking much i dont wana go in the water I might next time just to see if shell participate if its me in there with her. my phobia of public pools will have to just get over it i guess ugh. I told bf if you want me to help with these lessons too then you gotta get me a 1 piece or a bathing suit that covers me cuz I dont wanna be there in a bikini.  weird. 

zack is coming over today to measure the pool. we're finally getting the pool gate going for safety. finally. fuck.

my hair didn't turn out like I wanted fully. the blue hair dye ran out and is patchy compared to the pink side. so my sister said she's gonna get me another bottle of blue.