ANJELIC 🍊

got my seat covers on my car finally. 

I also got my personalized license plate in the mail way faster than I thought it'd take. 🪽  😇 

cars pretty much done. Z put the new brake switch in my car so those annoying sensors stopped but now I need new spark plugs. something the dealership should have done, no? they didn't so I bought new ones and hes gonna put them in for me. should be good after all 'at. baby girl is sleeping and im chilling in the car at the park. she's been a lot to handle. im not flying off the handle as badly as I was but still isn't easy. I dont want to. but I will probably seek out a new psychiatrist. hate taking meds. I've lost 26 lbs and I do not want to gain any weight with these meds. my hair also stopped coming out due to telogen effluvium and I dont want that to happen from anti psychotic meds.  hate those. I might get reevaluate cuz after I had my baby i notice I don't have manic episodes any more. but who knows. 

we were gonna go to see Taking Back Sunday the 6th but the tickets sky rocketed for shitty seats.  fuck that. 

outing

finally got to go out without baby. my mom watched her over night. we went to Lures and met up with Paige. felt weird cuz i was dolled up and when I stepped out of the Lyft, everyone turned around and stared. not use to going out anymore so I hated that. after we stopped by the bar. we hit up Crawdaddys and all 3 of us split a pasta dish. finally tried that martini bar and 17 bucks for a gross martini 😒 i also got carded by a girl way younger than me. she asked me how old i was and laughed waiting for my ID. gave it to her and she looked at me as if I was lying.  she reportedly gave my sister's friend a hard time getting in once too. whatever ill take it positively. went back to party at the bar and mrt some new girls and swapped IGs. we Lyfted back to the house and Paige came over for a bit. I think it was 3 30 when we finally went to bed. I chugged pedialyte beforehand which made the hangover way better to combat. 

so back to reality again. I dont feel changed and relaxed like I thought I would. still having angry, frustrated outbursts when my baby won't listen. idk what else to do other than get on a mood stabilizer that I don't want. I've also been hella stressed since we've had a fly invasion for the past 2 weeks. like alllĺ over the porch and the dumb hoe mom leaves the back door open and they infest the house. we've been battling them for weeks. I refuse to eat here cuz I physically can't without gagging. I think they're finally subsiding. I hope. 

got a hold of a car dealer that's going to detail my car and hopefully fix the stains on there I can't seem to get off. 

terrible twos

 terrible twos has been hell. I have cried because I hate getting so mad at her and yelling at her. I feel so shitty after. I just need a real fucking break for real. so next Friday my mom is gonna watch her over night and were going to pick her up the next day. i wanna go out and spend a good night out having fun and not worrying about getting back in time etc. I havent had that since Sept when we went to Orlando to see one of my fave bands The Sleeping. I bought myself a new dress and everything. I plan to have a real fucking night out. whenever i get this put of my system I am good for many months. but I neeeeeed this. baby girl has been a lot. full blown screaming fits, crying and drooling and flipping out every night. every time we try and get her in and out of a car she messes around and climb all over the car and doesn't get in her seat or get out. sooo annoying I hate this phase. ahe doesn't sit in carts, she stands up and fights us on it. she runs in the street and takes off. its so scary and horribly frustrating. I haven't had the time to sit and blog like I want. I havent had a single moment to myself. i keep getting mad too cuz my bf falls asleep when im fighting her and putting her to bed. i got so mad last night over this. must be fucking grand to sleep without concern. I take care of her 90% of the time. like how about staying awake to be fair to the struggling parent.  I'd feel shitty falling asleep. I got mad about it last night. 

so my hair appt is next Friday then were gonna go out. 🥳